Face It: Mentorship Can be Awkward as Fork*
We’re rolling into the third month of the 2019-2020 mentorship program — not to be a total cliché, but seriously, where does the time go? — and a lot of you are probably getting into a groove, understand each other a little better, and are diving into the details. We often hear, though, that it’s not always easy to just jumpstart this new relationship. I mean, is it ever? Outside of those weird magical unicorn friendships that come along only a few times ever? Of course not.
I’ve been asking around for some thoughts on overcoming the awkward, blind date vibes that come along with this sort of thing, and a few of the tips I’ve received felt ripe for sharing. So next time you meet with a mentor or mentee, whether it’s part of the MPLS MadWomen mentorship program or not, here are some things you might want to give a try.
Just Listen
Friends, “show empathy” is one of the top 2020 intentions for a reason. Everyone thinks they know what it is but don’t always realize it takes practice. And in a mentorship situation where ostensibly at least one person is always seeking advice, it’s easy to go straight into problem-solving mode, blowing right past the part where you truly understand the problem. (Um. I am the worst at this, and for sure being more mindful of it is at the top of my personal to-do list.)
Next time someone is sharing a frustrating/rage-inducing experience, try asking, “do you just need to vent right now, or are you looking for my advice?” If they’re just looking to vent, practice your active listening skills and keep your opinions to yourself. P.S. Mentees, it’s totally cool to just need to vent sometimes, so don’t be scared to cash in this chip.
Practice Makes Perfect
I almost called this one “role play” but that gave me flashbacks to some terrible corporate training I had back in the late ‘90s and I just couldn’t do that to you all. But here’s what I mean: oftentimes in these mentorship conversations, the mentee starts off with a question, like, “How do I ask my boss for a raise?” And the mentor launches into a laundry list of tips and tricks that worked for her. This is great!
But what works for me isn’t always going to work for you, yeah? So a better approach might be for the mentee to first share how she was planning to ask for a raise, and the mentor can give some feedback on that, and then, together, they can create the perfect spiel. Then for sure they’ll want to practice it, because even though it will feel super weird, it helps to say stuff out loud.
Post-Mortem That Advice
In my last blog entry, I encouraged everyone to be less rigid about how they approach the mentorship relationship, and here I am using some cringey biz speak. Sorry! But it really is important for mentors to get feedback on their advice. (Last time I also mentioned that mentors don’t possess perfect knowledge!) Mentees, whenever you act upon something your mentor suggests, let them know how it goes and don’t leave out the uncomfortable parts. Did you try something that didn’t land well? Did someone express concern that maybe your approach didn’t feel authentic to you? Did you switch something up that worked like gangbusters, that should be shared with future mentees?
Bring Friends
This is one of my very favorite things that our past mentor/mentee pairs have done: group mentorship dates. There are more than 300 women in this program, so chances are good you know some of them. Why not grab another mentorship pair or two and make your next meeting a party? It’s a great way to get multiple perspectives and continue expanding your network. Hint: The MPLS MadWomen monthly happy hours are a great place to do this.
What’s working for you? My dream is to share more advice from our community each month, so feel free to send yours to mentorship@mplsmadwomen.com or reach out to us on social. (Psst. My tips from last time are over here.
*Hello, The Good Place reference.
//image by Jay Mantri