Being Honest With Your Boss and Coworkers About Burnout
Times have been tough, to put it lightly. March marks the one-year anniversary of moving to 100% work-from-home for a lot of us in the digital space. In the beginning, we maybe felt excited about the lack of commute, or the extra half hour of sleep we’d get, or the fact that we could have lunch with our partners or roommates every day instead of microwaving last night’s leftovers in the breakroom to eat at our desks.
But this new work environment has come with quite a few drawbacks as well. Maybe we’re missing the collaborative nature of in-person brainstorm sessions, or the impromptu coffee runs, or after-work drinks to celebrate the end of a tough project. But something else has been happening that a lot of us weren’t necessarily expecting: burnout.
Real, exhausting, even soul-crushing burnout.
When many companies moved to working from home, a lot of us really regretted not having “home office” on our list of wants and needs the last time we went house or apartment hunting. You probably took a lot of meetings from your kitchen counter, living room couch, bed, or makeshift office setup in your bedroom—all of the same places you’re expected to unwind and relax once 5 p.m. rolls around. It’s unexpectedly exhausting to feel like you’re constantly living in your office.
Not to mention, a lot of us are working harder than we did pre-pandemic for many reasons:
To keep up with the societal pressures of “taking advantage of the pandemic” to achieve more
To fill time that would otherwise be spent doing the same, monotonous things we’ve been doing for the last year
To try to cope and stave off fears of being laid off or dealing with unemployment
On top of that, all of us have a bigger mental health load to manage, pulling out every coping mechanism we have in our tool belts to stay afloat.
Needless to say, we’re all beyond tired. And rightfully so.
And we’re at a point where it’s no longer sustainable to just “push through.”
Talking about it with our bosses and coworkers can be intimidating, but it’s so important that we do.
I reached my breaking point in late January 2021. I pushed through a very busy Q4 of 2020, telling myself the holidays would be my time to relax and enjoy myself.
But then Christmas and New Years rolled around, and it didn’t feel like the holidays. There was no coming together. There was no big meal. I didn’t get to watch loved ones open the gifts I gave them. In such a reflective period of the year, I had a harder time than I thought I would.
Then it was back to a very busy Q1. I kept pushing. For many, many months I was dubbed the “office therapist” because so many people came to me with their problems. And I was taking a lot of pride in the fact that I was juggling a lot as a one-person team. Until one week, I broke. .. I needed to ask for help, but I was frozen.
My anxiety voice in my brain told me a lot of things:
You’re already slacking, you can’t tell your boss now that you need a break.
When you’re off, they’ll realize they don’t need you and fire you.
I should be stronger than this. Other people have it harder.
This isn’t that hard. Maybe I’m just not cut out for this.
Still, I knew that if I didn’t speak up, I’d continue struggling and just get worse. That day, I talked to the other women on my team and my boss. And I wasn’t sure how they’d take it. But of course it all turned out fine. And I learned a few things about talking honestly at work about burnout.
You’re likely not the only one feeling this
You’ll find as you open up to coworkers about your burnout, a lot of them are feeling the same things. Your boss will too.
As soon as I told my coworkers and my boss, they all told me they had felt a lot of the things I was feeling before. I felt instantly reassured I wasn’t experiencing something unique. We commiserated, and I was encouraged to take more time than I was asking for.
The fact of the matter is, none of us have ever lived through something like this before. It’s a new, scary environment for everyone. Start with a coworker you trust, and see how you feel. They’ll probably be so glad you started the conversation.
You’re allowed to ask for help
This can be hard for everyone, but especially those of us who are high-achievers or known for jumping in and helping out. When you’re so used to helping your coworkers, it can feel weird to turn the tables and ask for help from them. But odds are, you’re due to ask for some support this time.
In my case, my coworkers and boss had seen how much extra work I was doing, and how much I was stepping in to make their jobs easier. In fact, they had all noticed I was beginning to push things off or that I had way too much on my plate.
The point is, none of them were surprised or shocked that I was burnt out. Every one of them thought I was long overdue for some time off. If you ask for help, odds are, your boss and coworkers will be happy to give you what you need.
Your PTO is there for a reason
I know no one is going on extravagant vacations—at least we shouldn’t be—so it makes taking PTO feel silly. But you’re still entitled to your paid time off!
No one is entitled to know why you’re taking PTO, either. Even if it just means you’re taking two days off to catch up on laundry, sleep in, and focus on doing things that feel enriching and energizing, it’s time that gives you the energy you need to be present and productive when you’re on the clock.
You can’t be productive if you’re not taking care of yourself
The first thing my boss said to me when I finally told her I was burning out was that it’s important to her that I’m okay from a personal standpoint, but also so I can show up and do my job well. As someone who has a hard time rejecting the idea that I need to be productive all the time, it was comforting to hear it worded that way. You can’t be productive and work at 100% if you’re not taking care of yourself 100%. You have to put on your own oxygen mask before you help others. You can’t show up and support your coworkers effectively if you’re not giving yourself the same compassion you give those around you.
It’s okay to say “no”
Being a super helpful coworker is nice, but being a smart delegator is even better. If you don’t have time to do a task someone is asking you to do, it’s okay to speak up and say that. If you need an evening to decompress after a stressful day at work, that’s okay. No one is putting as much pressure on you to get so much done as you are. If you need someone else to take on a task, it doesn’t mean anything about your work abilities.
———
So I learned a lot from finally talking to my boss and coworkers about burnout—and I wish I had talked to them about it sooner. But, just because I took that time off, it doesn’t mean I’m perfectly back to “normal.” It’s been important for me to continue actively working on self-care and self-compassion, but I’m still often working myself so hard that my body forces me to slow down. For instance, this blog has been on my to do list for over a month now. I didn’t write it until now because I was running myself ragged. So it’s a work in progress, and I’m still learning. But the difference is, I’m approaching everything with self-compassion. During a stressful time—be it a global pandemic or a really tight client deadline—self-compassion is the key to survival.
// Image by nikko macaspac